The giant. red, creepy.....What was it again? Writing descriptions
If your descriptions are too long in the book, people will begin to lose interest in your book. You can describe something important for a bit, try not to bunch them into one sentence. It's like Over stuffing a turkey to the point of exploding. Try to break it into sentences, just not EVERYTHING ALL the TIME.
The angry, gray haired, obese man, charged quickly and angrily down the street to the scared, scrawny, dumb twelve-year-old-boy.
Try saying that five times fast, and then read this one:
They angry grey-haired man charged down the street, despite his rather large exterior. His pace quickened when he spotted the young, scrawny boy dumbly staring off into the distance. Even though he was only twelve, you'd think he'd be more aware of his surroundings.
"YOU," The man screeched, startling the boy, "YOU STOLE MY-"
Sorry, got into the moment. I managed to put just about all of the descriptive words in there, and actually make them part of the story (whatever story that is). I only made a few thousand mistakes, but I hope it helped somebody out there.
Your example illustrates your point well.
Writing descriptions well requires a deft hand.
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