Beginning sentences with pronouns

by Brendon
(Melbourne, Victoria, Australia)

The title is a bit misleading but I couldn't think of what to call this problem. I'm writing an action story and end up saying "He did this. She did that..." alot. There are a few times when I manage to start the sentence with something else without making it sound weird but most of the time (for example in fight scenes) I use the character's name or s/he to begin most sentences. It becomes repetitive to read. Do you have any suggestions for writing action heavy scenes without the repetitiveness?

Comments for Beginning sentences with pronouns

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May 24, 2012
Homework helper
by: Emma wharton

Thank you you've helped me a lot

Dec 07, 2009
by: Brendon

Thanks a lot to both of you. You've helped a lot :)

Dec 07, 2009
Action Scene
by: Shawna

I agree with Audrey. Another tactic you could use is describing the pain of a hit that was delivered to someone e.g. "Blood erupted from Bob's nose while Vic rubbed his knuckles and winced." You could also switch the order you describe things e.g. instead of "Bob aimed a kick at Vic's stomach. Vic blocked the hit and slapped Bob smartly across the face." you could switch the wording: "Bob aimed a kick at Vic's stomach. After blocking Bob's kick, Vic..." or "...Dodging the blow, Vic retaliated by..."

Hope that helped!

Dec 06, 2009
Action sentences
by: Audrey

You can overdo anything, but people don't notice everyday things being overdone. Starting a sentence with a noun or pronoun is everyday, so it doesn't sound annoying in most cases.

If you want to catch action, try using sentence fragments instead of full sentences every once in a while. NOTE: Sentence fragments really stand out, so use sparingly. But consider this action sequence.

John hit Bill square in the nose. He pulled back to hit him again. He tensed his muscles. Bill got in the next punch instead.

Change it up to

John hit Bill square in the nose. Back and tensed to strike again. Whomp! Out of nowhere, Bill got in a direct hit.

In the second version, there is more variety, but there is also more of a sense of action.

I'm sure you can do better than I have done in giving an off-the-cuff example here. Just play with the rhythms and don't be afraid to write outside the box a little during action scenes.

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